I always start my New Year’s Eve looking back on what I did for the year. I’m one of those people that likes to challenge myself to see that I did something different to the year before.

“Do you drink alcohol?”

It’s a question I have been asked a number of times during this whole process. The response usually results in a snigger from whoever has joined me for my appointment, followed by myself giving a quick glare to said “sniggerer”.

Erm…yes, on occasion.

*another snigger*

The fact is, once this whole adventure started, my desire to drink had gone down. I was still partial to a glass or two of wine, but whether it was the exhaustion of running around for appointments, or being home bound post surgery; I just wasn’t feeling it as much.

“The side effects of chemo…some are like dealing with a hangover.”

Really? Well, then I know what to expect.

*another snigger*

Suzy was prepping me as much as possible to know exactly what would be coming my way. A hangover? I’d had my fair share. This would be familiar territory.

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Mum had spent the morning in the flat cleaning with me. Worrying. Checking I was ok. Making me breakfast. She was looking after her eldest as best she knew how. The plan was we would go to Baker Street where we would meet Delphine, and head to my first session.

The problem was, I just didn’t know if Mum would cope well with the setting. Seeing her daughter in a room with other cancer patients. The needles. The drugs. I would be worrying more about her state. We discussed it and she agreed. Mum would stay at home and wait for me to come back. I would keep her updated as and when I could. I think we were both secretly relieved.

“How do you feel about chemo starting?”

I have been asked this question a number of times over the last week. I have mostly replied with, I’m ok/Just doing my thing/Getting my day to day going/Business as usual. But over the last few days my anxiety has started to creep in.