For the first week back home, I was mentally adjusting to the “new me”. Caroline 2.0.

From the left collar bone to the top of my breast I felt nothing. If I touched my left side, I felt nothing. I would also get an occasional itch near the crease of my left armpit; but if I scratched it, I felt nothing. I wasn’t really sure what to do with “it”. This was now what I was going to be living with. I knew the nerve endings were going to grow back, but when? The sensations of numbness and tingling were all on my left side. All I wanted was the feeling to come back. It would come back right?

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The extra weight. That’s what I noticed. My upper left side just felt heavier. No sensation, no pain, no tingling. Just this weight. It was like nothing I’d experienced before.

“Are you in pain?” I’m a bit sore and achey when I move my arm, but nothing major.

The codeine was doing its job. I hated it. I don’t like taking meds, but in this case I knew it was needed. So the codeine “freed” me from pain, and I sat there in the hospital with this heaviness on my left side.